Own your inner dick

We all have bad days. Days when our fuse is short, we've had too many, our car broke down, we have a headache... whatever. And then some innocent bystander happens along, or some otherwise tolerable event occurs and we 


Lose. 


Our. 


Shit.


It happens to everyone. Simple misunderstandings that escalate into full blown asshole tirades. Bosses taking things out on underlings, spouses to spouses, friends to friends. No one is immune and no target is deserving.


But we all do it, it's human nature. We have no control over it. What we do have control over is how we handle it. 


Last year I was waiting in line at 5 guys, and this guy came in and appeared to cut in line. It seemed to me that he did one of those dick moves where you bump into a friend already in line and then just stand in line with him, cutting everyone behind you. Well, the line was already long, and I'd been there awhile, and it was cold outside so I had a jacket but hot inside so the jacket was annoying me.... yadda yadda yadda. 


Point is, I went off, not full on, but people who know me know I can be intimidating when I want to be, especially in a black leather biker jacket. And I wanted to be. So I was an asshole to this guy, called him out for dicking everyone behind him, and suggested, uncordially, that he go wait with everyone at the back. I was trying to be an asshole, and succeeded. He went to the back of the line, and I placed my order. 


But while I waited for my food I thought about what happened, how I treated that guy, why I was Really in a bad mood, and how I should have acted. And on the way out, I stopped, put out my hand, and apologized. I told him that I acted like an asshole and had no cause for it, it was wrong, and I was sorry. And he accepted it, smiled, said we all did it, and that it was no big deal. He went on his way feeling better, and I went on my way feeling much better then I had before I apologized. I actually felt better then I had all day. 


I see the first part of that happen a lot; where someone is a dick to someone else, for whatever reason, and later obviously regrets it. But they don't apologize. They go out of their way to be nice the next time they see them, compliment them on some small thing, or buy them coffee. Maybe they send an apology through a surrogate. 


Let's be clear. These things are not an apology. They are a giant banner that says


I AM WAS A DICK TO YOU, I REALIZE I WAS IN THE WRONG, BUT AM TOO PROUD OR INSECURE TO ADMIT IT TO YOU AND GIVE YOU THE APOLOGY YOU DESERVE. 


You know what's an apology. An actual apology. Anything else is you being too pigheaded to admit you were a dick. And you know who loses the most in that instance? You, because you had a chance to grow and you blew up.


Everybody acts like dicks, everybody gets drunk and mouths off, or snaps at a co-worker or employee. Everyone is a snarky prick to the wait staff sometimes, or treats sales people like they're dirt. We all do it, for whatever reason. The only control you have over it is by owning it instead of allowing it to own you.